Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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