3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
