Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
