I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
