Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
