I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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