I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
