i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
