I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
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