Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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