Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
