I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
