gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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