I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
