so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
