All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
