I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
