so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
