I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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