Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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