Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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