I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
