Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
