***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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