I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
