Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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