he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
