I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
