theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
and you fell through a lawn chair
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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