yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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