hell yes lets make some ravioli
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
