Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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