i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
