don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
