Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
