lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
