Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
