Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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