His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
