I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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