I understand Curling. That high.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
