Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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