I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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