Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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