My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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