I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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