question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
