dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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