In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
