my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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