He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
