that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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