speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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