her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
worst night to have a conscience
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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