ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
